Giving and Receiving

It’s easy to think our lives have been small, like we've paid forward very little of significance. This feeling reminds me of a short video called Cosmic Eye that captures how small each of us appears within the limitless universe. Sometimes I think of this video when I’m outside looking at the surrounding grandeur, feeling how extra tiny I am in it.

We're quick to forget, or maybe we never noticed, the significant impacts our offers of goodness have on the people and places around us. And sometimes, when people give to us, it feels downright selfish to accept those offers.

I’ve been making lots of subtle tweaks to my website and the way I’m handling the newsletters I send out each week. I’m feeling my way through a new process and learning how I want to handle it all. Recently some of my subscribers chose to upgrade to a paid subscription, merely because they wanted to offer additional support. 

Afterward, I had this nagging, uncomfortable feeling from accepting their money and questioned my decision to open up my site to paid subscribers. I doubted my writing was worth the backing and decided to refund their money. In response, each of them reached out saying they thought my writing had value and they encouraged me to accept their gift of support. 

One specific comment really hit me. A friend and subscriber from Alabama, someone who is especially great at helping me see things in new and more complete ways, commented, “I do want you to know how wonderful it feels to support your writing craft. It makes one feel part of something special and real.” 

Prior to our discussion, my perspective was narrow and one-sided. I thought only of my own side of the exchange as the receiver. I hadn't even considered how the givers felt. It didn't occur to me that they were gaining through their generosity.

She helped me recognize I'd taken away an opportunity for those subscribers to offer authentic kindness and encouragement. I'd taken away their opportunity to feel joy from helping to put good into the world.

In that moment I realized I'm actually not a very gracious receiver. Not to mean I'm not grateful. I am. But most often I don't feel confident enough or worthy enough to accept someone's gift. Instead I diminish the significance of the giver's intent by hiding behind the usual, "Oh, you shouldn't have." Or, "No, really, there's no need to do that for me." I'm not good at just saying, "Thank you ❤️." I'm working on that.

"When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed." —Maya Angelou

What a difference it makes when we consider a perspective other than our own.

A few days after my return to accepting paid subscribers, I had another experience that added more clarity to the completeness in the cycle of giving and receiving.

Once or twice a week, when I first wake in the morning, I grab my writing supplies and head down to my local coffee shop (read about this in my newsletter "A Perfect Blend of Solitude and Community"). It’s nice to go where I can have some unique interactions outside my own four walls.

There’s another customer who comes to the shop more regularly and appreciates some extra assistance. When he arrives, one of us rearranges some furniture and purchases his beverage. This particular morning I had the fortunate opportunity to offer that assistance and be the giver of goodness. 

My offer was accepted with much gratitude. Because of his gracious receiving, I felt the joy from knowing I had contributed to my community and made someone smile. I also believe that someone else likely saw and was motivated later in their day to be a giver of some goodness along their own path, just because. And that they, too, brought about some smiles on the way. 

Both of these instances reminded me we can't have givers without receivers. They're complementary. Our joy is enriched when we generously offer goodness as well as when we graciously accept others' offers.

The complete cycle improves our intimate connections and our communities. That, over a lifetime, compounds. And if we could pan out and see the people and places we've impacted, we'd see our lives have great significance after all. 

"Go to your fields and your gardens, and you shall learn that it is the pleasure of the bee to gather honey of the flower,
But it is also the pleasure of the flower to yield its honey to the bee.
For to the bee a flower is a fountain of life,
And to the flower a bee is a messenger of love,
And to both, bee and flower, the giving and the receiving of pleasure is a need and an ecstasy." —"On Pleasure," Kahlil Gibran, Lebanese-American poet born in Bsharri, Lebanon, in 1883

I'd love to hear about an instance when you put goodness into the world and it made your day all the better.